Happy Memories Are Made By Appointment

Life is so fleeting. Time passes too quickly–don’t you just love happy memories? Aren’t you so grateful for them? They linger longer than the actual events and can be recalled and relived over and over again. I’m fond of a quote that President Monson has said in conference: “God gave us memories so that we could have roses in winter,” (author unknown). Another quote I love and use often myself is from the movie Sabrina when she is leaving Paris knowing she will miss it, she writes to her father, “But I’ll have it in my pocket when I get home and I’ll take it with me wherever I go from now on.”

Good memories are a gift! A great blessing!

My mother had a philosophy about memories. She taught us: “Happy memories can be made by appointment.” She used this theory to keep her family close. She planned lots of events to get the family or grandchildren together to fill our souls with happy memories.

I’ve met many people who have a shortage of happy memories. Maybe there should be a diagnosis for it: HMD–Happy Memory Deficit. My observation has been, if there are enough happy memories the bad things in life are easier to deal with and forget. So in my opinion, we need to create many opportunities draw our families close and make lots of  happy, loving memories.

With the world becoming smaller, our children seem to take jobs in all parts of the country and even in other parts of the world, and our grandchildren become scattered. We are so blessed to have the advanced technology that allows us instant communication through the Internet, cell phones, and webcams, BUT and it’s a big one, these wonderful resources do not create memories.

As I saw with my mother and my own chldren, the role of loving grandparents can be a powerful influence on the lives of grandchildren. In our day when life is so hectic, family security is so fragile, and Satan’s wiles abound, it seems to me that the steadying influence of loving grandparents becomes even more important, but often less available. In observing other families through the years, I have found that generally the responsibility of keeping a family close, falls to the grandmother of the family; if she doesn’t take it on, it doesn’t usually get done.  It’s the grandmother who has to create opportunities that will lovingly bond an extended family together. In our case, my husband and I have six children and 13 grandchildren who all live quite far away from our home, some in other states and some just hours away. It is difficult to get everyone’s life schedules lined up enough so we can get together and spend time as a whole family anymore. It takes a lot of planning; it takes a lot of time; it takes a lot of work, and who’s going to do it? It is up to me to make appointments to create happy memories. The idea that works for me–the vehicle I use to get my grandchildren all together is Grandma Dottie’s Camp.

I planned, even before I had grandchildren, to hold Grandma’s Camp once a year and get all my grandchildren together and focus just on them with no adult agendas. I spent a lot of time thinking about how to do it, and couldn’t really figure a way to make it work until my oldest grandson was five and the next two grandchildren were three, I decided it was time to begin. That year we had a great time and I was hooked, and so were the little kids.

Every year since then, I have held Grandma’s Dottie’s Camp where all of my grandchildren are invited. I have three goals in mind for these camps: 1–To make great memories; 2—To draw us all closer together; and 3—To provide teaching moments for me so I can reinforce good values in their lives.

A positive example of grand-parenting, and the one I want to mirror, is found in the legacy of one of my mother. Her grandchildren called her Grandma Sammy. She had jars of candy in at least three rooms in her house and the children knew they were welcome to eat it or anything they could find in her cupboards or refrigerator. If she knew grandchildren were coming she would buy every kind of cold cereal they liked, and she would make cookies or buy donuts so they would have them to eat. As she got older, she tired easily and had great pain from osteoporosis so she would lie down in her bedroom many times a day. Her bedroom had two doors to it, one through a bathroom off the kitchen, and another through the hallway. When she would lie down, she would always say, “I don’t care how noisy the children get, don’t shut my doors. They won’t bother me.” Even her great grandchildren adored her.

People in my mother’s ward often commented on the many cars that were parked outside her house especially on Sundays, but often on other days. They asked her to share how she got her grandchildren to come visit so much. Her answer was always, “I don’t know, they just come.” The ward sisters wanted to know if she baked bread or fixed Sunday dinner for them. She said, “No. It seems to just be spontaneous. Even on Sundays, I don’t usually know who will show up.” She couldn’t come up with a reason, but the grandchildren all knew. It was because of her unconditional love and respect for her posterity. She thought each one of them was a special spirit with a special mission, and she made sure they knew that. She pointed out their best characteristics and spoke of her love for them often.

Through the years my mother planned many parties to get the whole family together. It gave her lots of opportunities to get to know her grandchildren as well as the greats. She had summer barbecues at her home. She arranged picnics up the canyon for the family. She had doll parties or tea parties for the young grandchildren and great grandchildren. She had candy making parties for the grandkids at Christmas time and missionary send off parties.

During quiet moments with her grandchildren, Grandma Sammy would often tell them stories from her life–stories with a moral and a lesson, or she would tell Bible stories, or Book of Mormon stories. In her later years, when she had to lie down so often throughout the day, the babies–her great grandchildren–would take books to her and climb up on her bed, knowing they were always welcome. Her great love for everyone of her grandchildren was like a magnet, but it was all of the get-togethers she planned that kept them close to her. The kids knew they could go to her with any problem, and she would love them. She would always give advice with lots of positive love. She died when she was 92 years old, several years ago, and even the smallest grandchildren who knew her still talk about her and can recall her with joy.

So that is my quest–to follow her example. My children are much more scattered than hers’ were, so making “appointments” is more difficult, but also more important. We  create several oportunites each year to get us all together, but usually we have missing members. Grandma’s Camp is different. We plan early and get the date on the calendar and everyone comes. I hold it for a few days to a week, depending on their schedules, but I invite all of my grandchildren no matter what their age or where they live. At this point in my life, my grandkids range from ages 17 to 2 years old. I’m always forbidding my grandchildren to grow up, like Granny Wendy in the movie Hook: “One rule that must be obeyed in my house–No growing up!” but no one listens to me. They grow exceedingly fast. But as the years of their youth rush by, I have these memories from each year and each child that I can grab onto, slow life down a little, and review some joyful segments of their childhood.