Retarded Robin

We have the strangest robin in our back yard. I think he is the same “devil bird” that came bumping into our window last year. My husband and I were puzzled by the dumb thing then, and made the determination that he had brain damage from trying to get some string from our curtain inside the window for his nest. Ben named him “Retarded Robin.” But there is no string this year and he is again bumping into our window–all morning long, starting early. He thumps high on right side of the window and then flies at the other side, perches on the ledge of the window, peeks in through the slats of the blind, flies off to the tree branch and starts all over again, varying in the amount of crashes he makes on the window with each trip. Ben’s brother Bo and his wife were our house guests for a few days during our Robin attack, and Bo said he probably sees himself in the window. If that is true, why is he trying to get to another male bird with such determination? Ben put pictures of an owl on the window trying to frighten him into normal behavior, but it didn’t work. Now we look like weirdos with two pictures of owls taped to our window. We went outside to evaluate the situation, and with the blind down, the tree reflects itself, so Ben said that he is trying to get to a branch he sees in the window. But since he can’t, shouldn’t even a bird brain have figured this out with the first few collisions?

I’m not sure what exactly he is supposed to be doing with his days, but I’m pretty sure he has an assigned role to fill with his life which includes daily duties. From the nature shows I have watched, all animals–well except maybe cows and dogs–have jobs to do that involve providing food and a place to live. We have pulled the blinds up so the reflection isn’t there as vividly, but he still bangs into the window with almost the same regularity.

As I am forced to ponder, daily, the actions of this bird, it occurred to me that maybe he just wants to come into our pretty, little house. He peeks in every time he perches, and I bet he thinks my black and white bedroom is most beautiful room he has ever seen. Maybe we should just open the window. . . But then what would he do in here? How would we get him back out? What about his wife?

On further consideration, and with the help of recently viewed movies, I’m thinking that maybe we are to be the next Noah and wife, and this bird is overzealous, wanting to get here and on board first. He does have an anxious determination about him.

Wait. He may be a Robin version of Edgar Allen Poe’s Raven: “The fact is I was napping, and so gently you can rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door. . .Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before, ‘Surely,’ said I, ’surely, that is something at my window lattice. Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore. Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.” I love this poem, so maybe I’ve secretly wanted my own “Raven.” –Nooo! Now I’m creeped out, and he’s not a creepy bird; he’s a happy bird, you can almost see him smile when he peeks in at me. It’s more like, “Good Morning. Pretty room you have there!”

My sister-in-law Pam mentioned that we should catch him and take him somewhere where they study bird brains–malfunctioning bird brains, retarded robins, to be specific. I’m not sure where that would be. We don’t really have any labs like that around here, but his behavior is awfully curious, unheard of really. He may be trying to get our attention to communicate something like an earthquake is coming. . . you know how the animals know such things before human? But I think it happens a few minutes before the real thing, and this has been going on for days. So I doubt he is sensing an earthquake.

The only fact we have about him is that he wakes us up early every morning. Hey, maybe that’s his mission in life. He’s been assigned to wake us up so I won’t sleep late. He could be part of my guardian angel network, trying to make me a better person! You know what Poor Richard says, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Ben’s been trying for years, unsuccessfully, so I’ve been sent this little thumper! Well, now I’m sorry I called him a “devil bird” and a “retarded robin.” Yeah, thanks to my angel bird I awoke early, have eaten a healthy breakfast and done my dishes, and now I’m going to exercise. Wow, he is actually doing a good job with me! Now I bet you’re all wishing you had a little feathery helper at your window. But really, I don’t know where or how you get one.