Wife of a Deployed Soldier: Lessons Learned

Tonight, as I enjoy my dinner of Strawberry Shortcake, I’m reminded of the perks of being temporarily husbandless and childless. Since neither status is by choice, the best thing to do is learn to laugh at oneself and the little quirks that are picked up to combat loneliness.

My husband, Alan, was deployed to Iraq six weeks after we were married and four months after we met so being apart is what we know best so far. That’s going to change here in a little over a month. Now that we’re at the tail end of things, I’m counting the blessings that have come in the past year–even the little lessons learned.

I like to give advice, but I also believe that sometimes the best advice is, “Don’t listen to advice. Do what comes natural.” So take this advice or not. It’s really just my list of 15 “Notes to Self” in the instance that the life of a loner creeps up again in the future.

1. Wear gloves when mowing the lawn. I learned to mow the lawn for the first time and paid the blistering price of going gloveless. I’ve never had a lawn to mow before moving into this house; there’s a lot of it and on bumpy terrain. My brothers or dad always mowed our lawn when I was growing up. And my first yard was at my home in Las Vegas, but… well… it was Vegas.

2. Eating while standing at the kitchen sink is efficient. You know that scene in the movie Must Love Dogs where Diane Lane is eating her take out chicken at the kitchen sink? Uh-huh. Why sit down at the table when you’re just going to face an empty chair at the other end and then have to get up in a few minutes to put the minimal amount of dishes and food away?

3. The occasional dessert for dinner is soothing for the soul–and easier to get away with when no one else is home. (Alan, Please note the word “occasional.” Yes, it is nice to have someone who worries that I take care of myself.)

4. Singing in the morning is a great mood booster and silence suspender. If the birds do it, it must be a good thing. (Sorry, Alan. You might have to get used to my mediocre warbling when you get home. Then again, you are the cure for my ailment.)

5. To avoid a big old pity party, don’t go to a Blog List consisting of military spouse blogs. While there are some good, uplifting spouse blogs recommended by trusted sources (thanks Cathy), it’s easy to get caught up in reading the whining found in the collections. I caved a few times and went back and then kicked myself for it. I’m certain the writers find it cathartic, but for my sanity, it’s best that I avoid them and find something more productive and uplifting for my mind. Kind of like avoiding the television news.

This next tip and wonderful wisdom to combat loneliness was passed on by someone standing guard in a tower for hours on end with nothing else to entertain him. (Warning: Don’t let your pre-teen and teen boys read this one. It will be too tempting for them to try it.)

6. Don’t flash a red laser pointer up your nose, even for a split second! The glow may look really cool as you look down at your nostrils, but it will give you a head and eye ache and possibly cause some damage.

7. Old ladies are the best! I had two old ladies from my church come up to me shortly after Alan was deployed who said to me, “I know just how you feel! My husband left for World Ward II right after we were married.” I was thinking how sweet they were to understand my circumstances. And then they said, “He was gone for four years.” That put me right in my place! I thought of these ladies whenever I expected an email from my hubby and didn’t get one, which has been rarely.

8. In order to prevent uneven wear on the new king size mattress, there are 5 different locations to be rotated with sleepidge.

9. Next time, ask for help. I’m fortunate I didn’t injure my back shimmying that IKEA box with the dresser in it out of my car, across the lawn, and up the front steps.

10. Making a themed care package for my soldier is one of the best ways to pass the time. I chose an item (most often an item he requested) and made a theme around it, gathered items during the two to three weeks after sending the last package, collected enough items to fill one of many flat rate boxes I had on hand, learned how to mail it without standing in the long line at the P.O., and then started the cycle over again.

Note: If you’re nearing the end of the deployment and your husband tells you he’s packing up and not to worry about sending him things, send a package anyway. He can always mail the stuff back home if they don’t fit in his duffel bag. Otherwise, there can be a very unnecessary gap in packages. (Of course, Alan is much too kind to complain about that, but I have no doubt he went through withdrawal.)

11. If you turn your cell phone on vibrate during a movie, make sure to stick it in your pants pocket, not in your purse. It only took me missing Alan’s call once to learn that lesson the hard way.

12. If not formed fully prior to deployment, an opinion on the war will be formed in no time at all. The questioning never stops so it’s best to be prepared. Despite their strong opposition to the war, most people are very kind and supportive of my soldier. Kindness is surprising, no thanks to the media.

13. Watching Chick Flicks without Alan is like eating Strawberry Shortcake without the sugary juice of the strawberries and whipped cream on top. Why even do it? Well, because some is better than none at all.

14. A 32 year old can get attached to a stuffed dog named Ruff Ruff, especially if he barks and wags his tail when you pet him. Boy, if that doesn’t show desperation, I don’t know what does! What can I say? At least I admit it. That’s the best Alan could do to appease my wishing since we can’t get a real dog while renting.

15. Distance does make the heart grow fonder… and the eyes… and the ears and… Further proof of this will be in approximately 41 days.