Life Plans

My favorite movie of 2007 was Dan in Real Life. It’s now in my DVD collection for many reasons, but most especially because of its message about how life doesn’t go as we planned. That message is summed up best in the last four lines of the movie: “Plan… to be surprised.”

“Surprised” is definitely the word I would use to describe my status in life a little over two years ago. After 12 years of marriage, I found myself single again. Despite the sureness of my reasons for being divorced, I was never so unsure and terrified of the gigantic void that was my future. As anyone who has been through a similar situation can tell you, to come out of it with some sanity takes methods beyond human ability.

These days, I am echoing the ancient prophet Alma, “My soul [is] filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!” Really, I have to blame my sisters, mother, and grandmother for starting my current state of gushing. It is my Grandma Sammy’s voice I’ve heard in my head every day since I prayed to know how to move on. It was her phrase, “Turn your kicks into boosts” that got me out of bed in the early days. My mom counseled me to take advantage of the situation and focus on what I wanted to do. And I will always remember riding in the car with my two sisters where they encouraged the idea of traveling saying, “You won’t regret it.” It’s a rare thing for me to break from my independently stubborn form, but I took the advice of all of them.

My sisters were right, I didn’t regret traveling to Hawaii and the Netherlands. Nor do I regret going to school or bouncing from sibling to sibling until I found my feet again. Traveling started me on a path of self discovery and joy that now seems endless. It’s been one extraordinary surprise after the other. And this past week was no exception.

About a year ago I started looking into going to school for massage therapy. Circumstances then– getting married, moving, and husband being deployed to Iraq– proved that it was not the time for school. Recently, however, my husband Alan and I fasted and prayed about it and decided to try again so I started making calls to get our finances in order. Bless their good intentions, the Army’s documents and online resources are such a colossal pit of words that I was barely inching my way through learning what our options were. I was making progress, but getting crumbs when I needed the whole loaf of bread.

A bit frustrated at my lack of headway, I woke up on Wednesday morning and prayed asking, if this really was a decision that Heavenly Father approved of, that He would open the doors that kept shutting. I only have time on my lunch hour to make personal phone calls, but during my break that day I was handed the whole loaf. Every person I called answered my questions with complete resolution. I had not called the school or looked at the web site prior to this because I didn’t want to get a date fixed in my head until we knew it could happen financially. When that all started to line up, I called the Utah College of Massage Therapy and asked when the next 12 month, night class term started. The gal on the phone said, “Monday, the 17th, and it’s almost full, but we could squeeze you in if you can come down today.”

Yes, I was rattled with worry. Then reassuring things kept happening, including Alan calling the next evening without my asking him to as well as finding his 2006 tax return–needed for financial aid–in our storage shed, in a box that I had been through many times without noticing that specific folder. When things start to align, I’m amazed by how much more joy that end result holds when you can push aside the worry of the “how.”

As a side note for those of you who are not aware, massage therapy school consists of more than just learning how to give massages. It is about learning some valuable tools for taking care of your well being. I discovered the benefits of these tools on my trip to Hawaii. The few hours spent at the spa was the best divorce therapy I never knew I needed. I am thrilled with this new opportunity to learn so I can share and serve others. Alan and a few friends in the industry helped ignite my spark into a fire. Alan will start the full-time, 7 month program in August and we will graduate together in March 2009.

Plan to be surprised– yes indeed! My life did not go as I had planned. But thanks to the love and encouragement from my husband and family, I’m learning to trust in a Father who knows me and my purpose best. In the words of E. M. Forster, “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”