Things That Make Me Happy

I’ve been past the stage of burn-out for over a month now and I need to shape up. First, I want to purge the stuff holed up in my pit. Just a little. Just to get it out of my system. –I started to write something about how others may handle my situation, but I’m not others. I’m working on not comparing myself to others. Here I purge.

The past few months at work have been the craziest it has ever been in my 2.5 years working for this company. I realized recently that the work itself is generally negative. It’s all about fixing people’s mistakes and my own. I work really hard to keep up my helpful, positive attitude with clients I work with. But hard work it is.

My husband tells me that I’m drawn to these ”needy” type of jobs. It’s true. As I look at my past two jobs, I’ve had to clean up the mess that my predecessors left the company in. But besides that, they’ve been jobs where I have to “save the day” a lot, whether it’s my mistake or others’. Do I have this superhero complex? Maybe. The task of a hero really starts to wear a person down. I guess you could sort of say I know how Superman must feel.  Ok, perhaps I’m stretching it a little, but on my own scale of life, it makes perfect sense. Which is why I’m going to school to be a massage therapist. Um…to be yet another type of hero. Hmmm. I’m not going to even go there right now.

Back on track here. With my long days of work + school + taking in a new 9 year old as part of our family + still being a newleywed and developing that relationship + my guilt of all the things I don’t have time for… It’s all hit a peak and I don’t like where I’ve been these past few weeks and neither does my hubby. Truly, deeply, I’m a happy person, but I’ve burried it with stresses. Here’s my effort at working on an attitude adjustment. Finding joy in the journey. I’m pulling the goodies out from the bag of life to say hello again. Ten little things that make me happy on a day to day basis.

1. Music. Nothing else does what music does to my spirit. I take it with me everywhere, but I don’t listen when I need it most which is first thing in the morning. I’m going to listen to music to begin my days.

2.  Writing. It’s part of me. Has been as far back as I can remember. Sometimes it takes me a long time to finish a project so I put it off until I have time to give it my all. But when I don’t finish (and I often don’t) this only stretches out my anxiety of wanting to finish it. I will write something every day, even if it’s just a sentence, just to get in the habit of letting go of the anxiety.

3. Sense of Humor. I have a good one. Somewhere I learned to fear people. I’ve got to stop. That’s all there is to it.

4. Getting my hair done. As soon as that tax return comes, I’m heading to my pal Aimee’s for a new Do.

5. Sleep. A good amount. Until I finish school, I’m sleeping in longer. Who cares what my hair looks like or if I have makeup on?! Well, I do, but I don’t want to for the next 4 weeks left til graduation.

6. Friends. Call at least one a week. Sorry friends. I’ve sorely neglected you and I think it’s my biggest shame of all since starting school.

7. Giving gifts to my hubby. It’s one of his 5 love languages and I seem to have forgotten that.

8. Girls Time with my little girl. I’ve noticed lately the thrill that I get when Samantha and I spend time together outside of the house, just the two of us. I can see it in her face and sense it in her being. That’s it. It’s a weekly date!

9. Playing the piano. This might have something to do with #1, but it’s also therapy. Letting it all go on the black and whites. Sunday tradition? It shall be so.

10. Movies. I can’t think of a better way to fall asleep. With my hubby next to me, of course. It only takes me a few minutes, sometimes seconds, to fall asleep so it won’t be much of an inconvenience for the man in my bed.

A better, happier me, here I come!

How much can you be bothered?

My boss and his partner send their staff inspirational thoughts every so often. I really liked this one and thought it was very appropriate for this blog. I’m not sure of the source so I can’t give anyone credit, but Brent, who sent it to me. Good stuff.

Does the news bother you? Does all this economic turmoil bother you? Does the neighbor bother you? Do politicians bother you?

To the extent you can be bothered, to that extent you are agitated, nervous and anxious.

Agitation, nervousness, anxiety and a whole range of related feelings are such a part of life you might assume they’re normal. You might assume they are part of life. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Feeling bothered is not natural to you.

Feeling bothered is not natural to you even though it’s such a part of you it seems natural. Feelings that bother you are a foreign invader to your peaceful self.

What’s interesting is how you handle being bothered. A car alarm goes off, a dog won’t stop barking, you get a parking ticket, someone looks at you cross-eyed and you get bothered, annoyed, irritated. How do you handle those bothered feelings? Usually you get mad, furious, frustrated and more and more agitated.

You answer negative with more negative. If someone asked you if you like getting bothered by something or someone you would probably say, “No, I don’t like getting bothered.” Yet you react to a bother, which you see as negative, with more negative, getting yourself annoyed, irritated, angry.

You pile more negative on the negative, thinking somehow that helps you.

How does it help you? It doesn’t. It makes you more irritated, more negative. That’s how people live their life. Then they go to the pharmacist to take something for it. The world is shooting itself in the foot and wondering why their foot hurts.

Are you ready for something different? Are you ready for a different kind of life? Are you ready for a life where you can never be bothered? It is possible. But you do have to do something different.

First you have to see that the bother, the thing that bugs you is not the cause of you being bothered. The cause of your bother is YOU. Whatever happens out there can’t bother you unless you decide to be bothered. It’s not the thing. It’s your reaction to the thing. Reacting is negative and adds up to more negative for you.

What’s the solution? Make a decision. When bother comes knocking at your door don’t open the door and let it in. Let bother do whatever it does but you decide to not participate. Stay on the sidelines and watch the madness. You don’t have to join in.

You can only be bothered if you decide to be. Whatever happens, whatever someone does or says, it’s not a bother to you unless you decide to let it bother you, unless you shake hands with it and join in.

Remember, if you decide to let something bother you, you are hurting you. You’re not hurting whatever bothers you by getting bothered by it. Being bothered, nervous, anxious, upset, annoyed and frustrated does not help you. It does not make you more healthy, more wealthy or more loving. It makes you the opposite.

What’s the answer? When bother comes your way ignore it. Ignore it. Try it. Notice when you ignore it, it ignores you. Meaning when you ignore something that bothers you it no longer comes your way. Try it and find out.

Loblollies are Like Kudzu

I have a few hours this morning to really assess the situation around our house and have concluded that the *loblollies here have exceeded Grandma Nina’s* apartment. I have been trying to organize them since we made a bedroom into an office, which bumped the stuff in that bedroom out to many locations, causing a domino effect of chaos. I continue to keep at it–the organization thing– and often feel like I have made some progress, only to discover that  loblollies are like kudzu* they grow faster than you can whack them back. And every effort I put forth, I have my husband grumbling about things not being in their proper place  (stack)–he gets this from his maternal genes.  I’m thinking that rearranging rooms is worse than moving–you have the same dejunking process, but nowhere NEW to put things. I am determined to find a place for everything so everything can be put in its place, but Jennie* is too busy to come help me, and I can’t seem to find the ambition today for such a job by myself.  Anyone know of a remedy or a potion to get me ready to attack the situation? I’ve even considered super energy drinks, but I think I’ll try chocolates instead and maybe some Christmas music. I’ll let you know if it helps or hinders.

Hey, a note of hope just popped into my head: I did get the basement part of the house under control! I painted the rooms bright, beautiful colors and redecorated. Color made everything seem new, so maybe color is the answer. It worked for me, and it was fun to reorganize and decorate and just be encompassed about with new hues.  Every toy now has a place downstairs.  But, come to think of it, Sam* did the color part,  (I’m not allowed to paint) so see I’m stuck again. . . I’m headed for the chocolate.

*Loblollies: junk piles–see March 24, 2008 Post

*Grandma Nina: Ben’s mother

*Kudzu: a vine introduced into the Southern States to prevent erosion. They planted it and it now covers millions of acres. It grows over EVERYTHING. They say if you stand still for 15 minutes, it will cover you too.

*Jennie: Our son Parker’s wife who has every drawer and nook organized–even snack foods are opened and divided into snack size bags and placed in a drawer so they can be grabbed as one heads out the door to work or travel or hikes.

*Sam: One of our sons.

Stop Listening!

I have been training my computer to recognize my voice so it will take voice commands. I have been trying this because I need to transcribe some oral histories from tapes, and I was told that I could repeat the words from the tape, and my computer would type everything I said. It is supposed to be easier than typing. I took the tutorial twice, and  I learned some commands that you give to the computer such as “Start listening”  “Undo”  “Select line” “Stop listening.” The first time I tried it after I had taken the tutorial, it didn’t work well at all. About every third word was wrong, but the theory is if you change it, the next time it hears that word, it will know how to type it right. It takes all kinds of commands such as “Press enter three times” or “Right click twice.”  The second time I  went through the tutorial, it got me! It was typing up all the words, even large words that I don’t know the meaning of.” (I was reading a manual.) I was impressed! I felt like the people of Star Trek, “Computer, chart the course back to Earth.”

But although my computer had been learning new tricks, It has also been doing some crazy things lately. I wrote two long emails to my friend Sue, and they disappeared–both of them, not in a draft file or sent file or trash or anywhere. It was eerie. Then today when I was talking to my daughter Lynsie on the phone, I noticed the icon at the top with the microphone was awake and “listening” to me. The screen blinked, changed, programs closed and left me with a blank screen, and the little microphone window was asking me something like, “Is 60 calories enough?” I broke away from the phone for a second to say, “Stop Listening!”  and it did, or at least it said it was “sleeping,” but then it woke up again, thinking I was talking to it instead of Lynsie. So now I am wondering if I made some kind of sound or said something to my husband, or maybe myself as I was typing that email to Sue. Maybe the computer was listening without me realizing it.

Anyway, while I was still talking  with Lynsie, the nosey computer was once again listening. I told it again, “Stop Listening!” with a little more authority–I’ve found that sometimes it is hard of hearing. Lynsie became very confused as to whether I wanted her to stop listening or stop talking while I chased someone out of the room. I explained I was only having an argument with the computer. I finally clicked on the x near the microphone icon and exited it manually. I hadn’t realized that I needed to do that. It is supposed to sleep until you tell it to start listening, but now I know it can’t be trusted. It eavesdrops and even takes over! It reminds me of that scripture that says someting like “when they receive a little authority, as they suppose, they begin to exercise unrighteous dominion. . .” Well there you have a perfect example–all the while pretending to be responding to commands. So I put it into a hard sleep, and for now, at least, Computer seems to be minding its own business!

A Great Cause: JDRF

Hello All,
 
Last year I volunteered to represent the company I work for, MillerWade Group, at the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation’s (JDRF) Walk to Cure Diabetes. It was a really fun event, but I was even more impressed with the foundation– the people who run it and the fact that 90% of the donation goes toward research.
 
This year my boss chose me to be our company’s Team Captain. I know…. pretty funny, huh? We walk the 5K as a team next Saturday the 20th in Orem.
 
Part of my duties as a Team Captain is to raise money. If you happen to be so willing as to donate -say, maybe $10- to my team, I would be very grateful to you. I have a goal to raise the most $ in my office.
 
I would also love it if you wanted to walk with me next Saturday. The event is geared toward families with fun things for kids to do and lots of food.
 
Here’s the link if you’re interested in helping me: http://walk.jdrf.org/. To the left of the screen on their home page is the place to “Donate to a Walker”. Please be sure to choose “MillerWade Group” as the team when completing your donation.
 
Type I diabetes is diagnosed every 3 seconds in North America. They are discovering and implementing amazing things through research.
 
Thanks a ton!

The Grimes Family Gathering-Vacation-Retreat-Shindig

I don’t think we’ve officially come up with what to call our yearly summer assemblage. We don’t like to call this event a “reunion” because we get together more than once a year and it’s not a grand gathering of the distant relatives that few of us know. My oldest nephew is about to turn 18 which means we’re still a good distance from the “reunion” classification. We consider ourselves already a “union” so there is no “re”, really– well, maybe sort of in the sense that I have one sister who lives out of state, but still our family is too cool to be average. We’re talking about my family–my parents, my siblings and their kids.

The damper of the trip was that my sister-in-law was threatening to deliver her baby 9 weeks early so she and my brother were absent. We all missed you guys, P & J!

It was an especially memorable vacation for me because it was the first that my husband Alan has been able to be a part of. His family is distant in more ways than just mileage. I know he considered the jaunt with my family to be a positive journal entry.

So it is that we gathered together for our summer bonding time over four days last week. We went to Gooseberry Creek for three of those days and rented the Administrative Site. The Admin Site consists of several bunk houses set in a circular fashion and surrounds a grassy area bordered by quakie aspens where we could play volleyball, picnic, gather around the fire pit, etc. The Admin site is flanked on two sides by the creek. It was a beautiful place where we could enjoy sleeping in the scent of stale recovering sheep barns and witness spectacular mountainous thunder, lightning, and rain. A few of us enjoyed the scent of dirty sheep so much we stayed while others moved to another bunk house. (Actually, our little portion of the sheep house must have been where the sheep herder stayed because it was bearable.)

We ate good food, played Ultimate Frisbee, had cross word puzzle competitions, played Scrabble, ate more good food, laughed and admired at the traditional talent show, and… I’m wondering why didn’t we play sardines. Shucks! I’m also wondering who gets paid to come up with cross word puzzles using words that no one cares to use! Oh, and who could forget the fact that the new Twilight Saga book, “Breaking Dawn” came out and many of us had it to read–thus the new heading picture.

This is also the occasion for my mom to put on her much anticipated Grandma’s Camp for her grand kids. This year’s theme was “Cowboys and Outlaws”. Gooseberry was the perfect setting for games of capturing the outlaw, shooting guns with the grown ups, having a Spanish gold treasure hunt, buying toys at the Outlaw auction, and many other activities garnered up by the ever creative matriarch of the Grimes clan. Yes, she’s amazing!

To top off our trip, most of us went on a 70 mile ATV trip through the mountains. The highlight of the trip was the two hours riding in the mud and rain. Yee-haw! Then there was that one slippery steep hill that only a few of the four-wheelers could get up without being towed by Dad’s all-wheel-driving-mean-machine. All this with no mishaps, only a little soreness.

Whatever we want to call our coming together this year, those are our happy memories made by appointment.

Your Heart Out – Check it Out

Just in case you’ve overlooked our Blogroll on the left side of the screen- Your Heart Out is one of my favored picks. Their team’s mission is to seek and find. They fit right in with our goal to seek after ”anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy.”

Your Heart Out blogs on all kids of things Northern Utah: festivals, art shows, restaurants, boutiques, unique handcrafted items, things to do, things to buy, things to admire. It’s awesome.

Most of the time the featured items/places are in the greater Salt Lake area, but they do occasionally promote things in Utah Valley. Nevertheless, I love that they are promoting local fare. I have sought out some of the things they’ve shared, like Lavender Days, and have been impressed. Next on my list is to visit Sanora Grillin Ogden. Looks and sounds delicious! Thanks YHO!

Happy Memories Are Made By Appointment

Life is so fleeting. Time passes too quickly–don’t you just love happy memories? Aren’t you so grateful for them? They linger longer than the actual events and can be recalled and relived over and over again. I’m fond of a quote that President Monson has said in conference: “God gave us memories so that we could have roses in winter,” (author unknown). Another quote I love and use often myself is from the movie Sabrina when she is leaving Paris knowing she will miss it, she writes to her father, “But I’ll have it in my pocket when I get home and I’ll take it with me wherever I go from now on.”

Good memories are a gift! A great blessing!

My mother had a philosophy about memories. She taught us: “Happy memories can be made by appointment.” She used this theory to keep her family close. She planned lots of events to get the family or grandchildren together to fill our souls with happy memories.

I’ve met many people who have a shortage of happy memories. Maybe there should be a diagnosis for it: HMD–Happy Memory Deficit. My observation has been, if there are enough happy memories the bad things in life are easier to deal with and forget. So in my opinion, we need to create many opportunities draw our families close and make lots of  happy, loving memories.

With the world becoming smaller, our children seem to take jobs in all parts of the country and even in other parts of the world, and our grandchildren become scattered. We are so blessed to have the advanced technology that allows us instant communication through the Internet, cell phones, and webcams, BUT and it’s a big one, these wonderful resources do not create memories.

As I saw with my mother and my own chldren, the role of loving grandparents can be a powerful influence on the lives of grandchildren. In our day when life is so hectic, family security is so fragile, and Satan’s wiles abound, it seems to me that the steadying influence of loving grandparents becomes even more important, but often less available. In observing other families through the years, I have found that generally the responsibility of keeping a family close, falls to the grandmother of the family; if she doesn’t take it on, it doesn’t usually get done.  It’s the grandmother who has to create opportunities that will lovingly bond an extended family together. In our case, my husband and I have six children and 13 grandchildren who all live quite far away from our home, some in other states and some just hours away. It is difficult to get everyone’s life schedules lined up enough so we can get together and spend time as a whole family anymore. It takes a lot of planning; it takes a lot of time; it takes a lot of work, and who’s going to do it? It is up to me to make appointments to create happy memories. The idea that works for me–the vehicle I use to get my grandchildren all together is Grandma Dottie’s Camp.

I planned, even before I had grandchildren, to hold Grandma’s Camp once a year and get all my grandchildren together and focus just on them with no adult agendas. I spent a lot of time thinking about how to do it, and couldn’t really figure a way to make it work until my oldest grandson was five and the next two grandchildren were three, I decided it was time to begin. That year we had a great time and I was hooked, and so were the little kids.

Every year since then, I have held Grandma’s Dottie’s Camp where all of my grandchildren are invited. I have three goals in mind for these camps: 1–To make great memories; 2—To draw us all closer together; and 3—To provide teaching moments for me so I can reinforce good values in their lives.

A positive example of grand-parenting, and the one I want to mirror, is found in the legacy of one of my mother. Her grandchildren called her Grandma Sammy. She had jars of candy in at least three rooms in her house and the children knew they were welcome to eat it or anything they could find in her cupboards or refrigerator. If she knew grandchildren were coming she would buy every kind of cold cereal they liked, and she would make cookies or buy donuts so they would have them to eat. As she got older, she tired easily and had great pain from osteoporosis so she would lie down in her bedroom many times a day. Her bedroom had two doors to it, one through a bathroom off the kitchen, and another through the hallway. When she would lie down, she would always say, “I don’t care how noisy the children get, don’t shut my doors. They won’t bother me.” Even her great grandchildren adored her.

People in my mother’s ward often commented on the many cars that were parked outside her house especially on Sundays, but often on other days. They asked her to share how she got her grandchildren to come visit so much. Her answer was always, “I don’t know, they just come.” The ward sisters wanted to know if she baked bread or fixed Sunday dinner for them. She said, “No. It seems to just be spontaneous. Even on Sundays, I don’t usually know who will show up.” She couldn’t come up with a reason, but the grandchildren all knew. It was because of her unconditional love and respect for her posterity. She thought each one of them was a special spirit with a special mission, and she made sure they knew that. She pointed out their best characteristics and spoke of her love for them often.

Through the years my mother planned many parties to get the whole family together. It gave her lots of opportunities to get to know her grandchildren as well as the greats. She had summer barbecues at her home. She arranged picnics up the canyon for the family. She had doll parties or tea parties for the young grandchildren and great grandchildren. She had candy making parties for the grandkids at Christmas time and missionary send off parties.

During quiet moments with her grandchildren, Grandma Sammy would often tell them stories from her life–stories with a moral and a lesson, or she would tell Bible stories, or Book of Mormon stories. In her later years, when she had to lie down so often throughout the day, the babies–her great grandchildren–would take books to her and climb up on her bed, knowing they were always welcome. Her great love for everyone of her grandchildren was like a magnet, but it was all of the get-togethers she planned that kept them close to her. The kids knew they could go to her with any problem, and she would love them. She would always give advice with lots of positive love. She died when she was 92 years old, several years ago, and even the smallest grandchildren who knew her still talk about her and can recall her with joy.

So that is my quest–to follow her example. My children are much more scattered than hers’ were, so making “appointments” is more difficult, but also more important. We  create several oportunites each year to get us all together, but usually we have missing members. Grandma’s Camp is different. We plan early and get the date on the calendar and everyone comes. I hold it for a few days to a week, depending on their schedules, but I invite all of my grandchildren no matter what their age or where they live. At this point in my life, my grandkids range from ages 17 to 2 years old. I’m always forbidding my grandchildren to grow up, like Granny Wendy in the movie Hook: “One rule that must be obeyed in my house–No growing up!” but no one listens to me. They grow exceedingly fast. But as the years of their youth rush by, I have these memories from each year and each child that I can grab onto, slow life down a little, and review some joyful segments of their childhood.

Finding a New Kind of Normal

It’s been FAR too long since I posted on Happy Talk. 

Ah, life!

I used to attempt to do everything on my To-Do List all at once in an effort to keep up with someone else who could seemingly accomplish more in a day than I could. The problem with that is if it’s not who you are, you can turn into a crazed lunatic. (Just call me a recovering Cruella. Ok, not really.) Now, instead, I dive into the moment and the other very important priorities get shifted down the ladder until they can get my undevided attention–well, a good hearted effort at least. 

The first ladder rung to recently get placed at the top and trump others was 14 hour days consisting of work and school. That combo has been an adventure I haven’t attempted for 13 years. Holy moly! I don’t know how people with children and jobs go to school. Occasionally I say to myself, ”Where do you live, Linus?” (Sabrina, 1995) and then I put the books away and go play.

I recently finished my first quarter at Utah College of Massage Therapy. It’s a good sign that after three months I still find myself thirsting for all there is to learn in class every day. I so enjoy it all. The adjustment this second quarter is all about upping the anty of study time for Anatomy. Goodness me! It’s like learning a new language and I definitely don’t have the gift of tongues.  

The next rung on the ladder to top all others came along when that big blue Southwest jet landed on May 28th to deliver my soldier back from Iraq. I’ve done enough gushing on my personal blog about the day and the events following his arrival so I’ll just let these photos taken by a photographer for the Salt Lake Tribune tell the story.

Since Alan’s been home I keep catching myself taking those deep Yoga breaths that come from the tips of your toes and slowly work their relieving magic up through the lungs. It makes it obvious that I subconsciously worried about him even though I didn’t think I did (except maybe a few minute times when I listened to the ugliness).  

Now is the time we’ve been waiting for, and for much longer than the year he’s been deployed. It’s time to find a new kind of normal.